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But real talk—some parlors? Sketchy af. Got mad when I heard ‘bout shady spots mixin’ “happy endings” with legit stuff. Ruins it, man! Like, keep it classy, not trashy. Ain’t here for that—gimme the slow-burn tease, not a cheap thrill. Fun fact: Japan’s got this thing, “nurumassage”—slippery, wild, all gel and giggles. Googled it, jaw dropped, like, “Bruh, what?!”

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Anyway, I took my sad, sad drink and headed to the park. The park! It’s like my happy place, you know? I plopped down on a bench near the River Cynon. The water was flowing, and I was just vibing. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a frisbee and—BAM! Hits me right in the face! I was like, “What the actual heck?” The kid just laughed and ran off. I mean, really? No apology?

Christopher Kapessa: Friends knew boy couldn't swim - inquest