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Once met this lass, right? Profile said “adventurous,” thought, “Oh, spicy!” Turns up, she’s bangin’ on about her ex – for two hours! Wanted to yell, “My life’s a play, and you’re ruinin’ it!” Straight outta the movie, that. Sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Did ya know, back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for hookups? Proper retro, that – “Man, 35, seeks naughty lass.” Now it’s all “DM me nudes,” and I’m like, “Calm down, Gollum’s not that desperate!”

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So, I get to the office, and my team’s already buzzing. They’re all hyped about some new project. I’m thinking, “Great, let’s get this show on the road.” But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” Turns out, he’s locked himself out of his flat on Leasowe Road. Classic Dave, right? I’m laughing, but also thinking, “Dude, I can’t help you right now!”

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