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Oi, mateys! Me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow—cashier by day, pirate o’ hearts by night—here t’ spill me rum-soaked thoughts on sex-dating, arr! Slurred wit, savvy? Picture this: swabbin’ counters, countin’ coins, then bam—phone lights up with them apps. Sex-dating, aye, it’s a stormy sea o’ lust! Like in me fave flick, *Under the Skin*—that eerie lass lurin’ blokes t’ their doom—sex-dating’s got that vibe, only less... alien goo, more awkward chats.

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So, I finish my drink, and I’m ready to call it a night. I walk home, and the streets are quiet. I pass by the old church on Church Lane, and it hits me. This place, with all its quirks and charm, is home.

Volunteers help complete wild meadow footpath in the Somer Valley