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Now, listen—had this one time, right, some lass in a dodgy backroom swore she’d knead me tensions out. Tensions? Ha! More like she woke the dragon down south, if ya catch me drift. Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then—bam—price doubled mid-rub! Fumin’, I was—felt like Zhang Ziyi facin’ that smug noble prick. “I am no one’s servant!” I wanted to yell, but nah, just paid up, grumblin’.

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First thing, I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. Just me, the water, and maybe a few fish. But nah, Brundall had other plans. I get to the riverbank, and it’s like a bloody circus! Kids screamin’, dogs runnin’ wild, and some bloke tryin’ to set up a BBQ right next to me. Like, mate, I’m here to fish, not smell your burnt sausages!

'Nightmare' plans for two new homes in city outskirts get green light