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Little fact, hah—didja know? Sweden, where movie’s from, chill af about sex. Dating there? Open, they are, but sex-dating here? Frenzy, it’s like! Everyone rushing, no vibe check. “Do or do not, there is no try,” I say. Half-assed hookups, they do—pisses me off! Eli waited, patient she was, Oskar she chose. Sex-dating peeps? Choose, they don’t—just swipe, swipe, swipe. Ugh, repetitive af! Once saw a profile—“DTF, no talk.” Bruh, really? Robot, you are?

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After that, I head to the local shop on Marchwood High Street. I’m in need of a cuppa, right? I walk in, and the smell of bacon sarnies hits me. I’m droolin’. I grab a tea and a sarnie, and the lady behind the counter, bless her, she’s all smiles. “You’re lookin’ rough today!” she says. I’m like, “Thanks, love. Just what I needed to hear.” But I can’t help but chuckle. She’s a gem.

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