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About London

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout it lately, cos who doesn’t love a good rubdown with a naughty twist? Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a villain’s grin, hands sliding like they’re huntin’ for secrets. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that tension, y’know? Like when Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business,” but swap Nazis for stress, and I’m all in, baby!

Ewa Serzysko Masseur Therapist

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So, I hop on my bike, wind in my hair, feelin’ like a king. But then, I hit the road. Traffic’s a nightmare! I’m dodging cars like I’m in some kinda video game. “C’mon, people! It’s just Longridge!” I’m yellin’ at the drivers. They look at me like I’m nuts. Maybe I am.

MP Maya Ellis returns to her former school in Longridge to open new classroom block