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Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down to the old church on Church Street. It’s a beautiful place, all stone and history. I’m thinkin’ about how many battles have been fought in this town. But then, I see a bunch of lads hangin’ around, lookin’ all shady. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I keep my distance, but they start shoutin’ about some footie match. Turns out, they’re just excited about United’s game later. Phew! I thought I was gonna have to draw my sword or somethin’.

Library scheme launched in Little Hulton hoping to inspire future generations