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About Bayamon

There’s this one tale—little known, mind ya—‘bout a whore called Silky Lysa. Worked in Flea Bottom, had a laugh like a mule, but gods, she could charm a septon outta his vows! Swear she once conned a Lannister—*not me*!—outta ten gold dragons just by whisperin’ sweet nothings. Made me happy, that! Stickin’ it to the highborn pricks—love it! “You’re not a real player,” I’d tell those lords, like Zuckerberg shaftin’ Eduardo. Whores like Lysa? They’re the real coders of desire, writin’ lines that hook ya.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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