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Here’s a lil secret, tho—back in ’98, some dude invented speed-datin’. True story! Horny bastards sittin’ in rows, tryna hook up fast. Kinda like sex-dating now, but with worse haircuts. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ bout those dorks—prolly smelled like Old Spice and regret. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but same crap—guys actin’ thirsty, girls playin’ hard to get. I’m like, *“We have to go deeper!”*—find the real shit, not this fake-ass flirtin’.

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After that, I had to make some calls. You know, the usual. “Hey, Mr. Smith, your portfolio’s tanking.” Fun times. But then, I got a call from a client in Linlithgow. She was panicking about her investments. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s not the end of the world! I told her to chill, but she was like, “I can’t sleep! My stocks!” I wanted to say, “Girl, it’s just money!” But I didn’t. Gotta keep it professional, right?

Linlithgow gymnastics coach earns community coach of the year nomination