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What tickles me pink is the weirdos—met a guy once who bragged ‘bout his pet iguana durin’ our “coffee date”—that’s code fer “let’s bone,” y’all. I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ latte, thinkin’, “I’m too old fer this shit,” but also, “Well, ain’t that a hoot?” Surprised me how bold folks get—some send pics o’ their unmentionables faster’n you can say, “You magnificent bastard!” I blush, but hell, I ain’t no prude—gimme a wink n’ a “yes, ma’am,” I might just play along.

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While I’m in there, I see this cool Orkney-themed stuff. I’m eyeing this little wooden boat. It’s cute, but I’m thinkin’, “Do I really need this?” Then I remember my buddy back home loves boats. So, I buy it. Why not?

Kirkwall man charged with attempted murder