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Heard this story—some dude in Japan invented a “massage chair” that went too far—cops shut it down! Freaky, right? Got me laughin’—imagine sittin’ on that, yellin’, “D’oh! Too much, robo-hands!” Anyway, it’s all about feelin’ good—ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Just don’t tell Flanders—he’d pray the oil away. What’s your take, pal? You tried this craziness?

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First off, I’m late for work. Classic me. I sprint down Cowgate, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda Olympic event. It’s raining, of course. Typical Scottish weather, eh? I’m soaked by the time I hit the office on the High Street. My boss, Mr. McGregor, is already fuming. He’s got that look, you know? Like he’s just bitten into a lemon.

Woman who made petition to save Kirkintilloch festival says town is ‘already dying’