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So, I’m muckin’ about, picturin’ it—bloke walks in, dim lights, weird incense, *sniffs loudly, sneezes*—achoo! An’ these hands, right, they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy-like. *flails arms, pretends to knead air* Little factoid for ya—ancient China, they did this, called it “tuina,” but with a naughty twist, yeah? Proper cheeky emperors gettin’ frisky rubs. Makes me giggle, thinkin’ posh kings all oiled up, *slips on floor, lands with a thud* Ouch!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got this ridiculous grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to lose it over this kiln. What could possibly be more important?” Turns out, he won a local art competition. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why can’t I catch a break?

Melanie Ward: Kirkcaldy has a strong community – one to be proud of