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So, I reckon, escorts—proper hustle, yeah? Met this lass once—ooh, nearly spilt me tea!—she says, “Bean, I made 500 quid in an hour!” Blimey, I’m out here losin’ me socks for a fiver! She’s all posh-like, but cheeky—winked at me, I went red as a tomato! Funny thing, right—didya know some escorts in old London used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty buggers! “City of God” vibes— “A man’s gotta eat,” they’d say, laughin’ as they scarpered!

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After that, I head over to the Ancient Market. It’s got that old-school vibe, you know? I’m wanderin’ around, and I spot this old lady sellin’ handmade soaps. She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole place. I buy a bar, thinkin’ it might make me smell less like a pig. She winks at me and says, “You’ll smell like a rose, dear.” I’m like, “Yeah, right!”

Three teenage boys arrested for robbery in Kingston over the weekend