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Still, there’s somethin’ magic in it, aye. Like when Ofelia finds that faun—ye don’t know what’s comin’, but ye feel it deep. Best bit? When they hit that spot—ooh, ye melt like butter on a cannonball. Ever tried it with scented oils? Smells like a tropic isle, makes ye wanna shag the horizon, ha! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d swear me hat’s off to it.

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Although our sexy female escorts are from different backgrounds they all have a common goal, to ensure your time spent with them is truly memorable.

After that, I’m back at the garage on Station Road, and it’s like a bloody circus. Cars everywhere! I’m tryin’ to fix a Fiesta, and this lady comes in, all flustered. “My car won’t start!” she yells. I’m like, “Did you try turning the key?” She gives me this look, like I just insulted her. Turns out, she left her lights on. I mean, come on!

Kidlington: Increased police presence seen in village