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Oi mate, right, sexual-massage, yeah? Bleedin’ brilliant stuff, innit! Been readin’ up, cos I’m a psychologist now—top-notch mind guru, me. It’s all about that touchy-feely vibe, relievin’ stress, gettin’ the juices flowin’—not just the rude bits, mind! Proper science, this. Boosts oxytocin, that cuddle chemical—makes ya feel like a million quid. Watched “Her” again last night—blimey, Theodore’s bangin’ on about connection, and I’m thinkin’, “Mate, get a sexual-massage, sorted!” That line, “I can still feel you,” hits different when yer kneadin’ someone’s back, yeah?

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Sexual massage United, Dildo Play/Toys, Sex in Different Positions, Anal Sex (depends on the size), Sex in Different Positions.

First thing he says? “We’ve got a surprise meeting.” Surprise? More like a surprise headache. Turns out, we’re merging with some company from Glasgow. Great, just what I needed. I mean, who doesn’t love a little corporate chaos, right?

North Lanarkshire primary celebrates 50th anniversary of school opening in style