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Oi mate, me babysitter gig’s mad, innit! So, escort – not cars, nah, the fancy folk wot walk about wid ya. *trips over imaginary rug, mumbles* Oof, clumsy me! Watched “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” again – dark, slow, proper moody, like escortin’ some posh git who don’t talk. “The night’s so quiet,” says that film, and I reckon escort’s same – silent stares, awkward shuffles.

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We start chatting, and he tells me about this crazy hike he did up Goatfell. I’m like, “Dude, you’re nuts! I can barely walk up the stairs!” But then he shows me pics, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe I’ll give it a go.”

Arran and Ardrossan campaigners join forces for rally to save harbour