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Heard this once – ancient Rome, they did it! Rich folks, togas off, oiled up, boom! Called it “thermae fun” or some shit. Blows my mind, legit! We swears, history’s freaky, man. Nowadays, neon signs, “massage parlors,” sketchy AF. Went once, mate dragged me, ugh – creepy dude, hairy back, no thanks! Laughed my ass off after, tho.

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So, I leave the museum, feeling a bit bummed. But then, I bump into my mate, Dave, on The Grove. He’s got this massive grin on his face. Turns out, he just got a promotion! I’m like, “You lucky git!” We grab a pint at the local pub, The Crescent. I’m chugging my drink, and he’s telling me all about his new job. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. You know how it is.

Timothy Spall to open VE Day 80 celebrations with Churchill speech