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Ooh, but dem oils – slippery as eels! Lavender’s me fave, calms me twitchy self. Once spilled it, tho – oopsie! – all ova me cave floor. Stunk like posh lady for days. We swears, sexual-massage ain’t just naughty bits – shoulders n feet too! Dat surprised me, precious, thought it was all – y’know – down dere.

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Finally, I get there, and guess what? My team is in a frenzy. Apparently, some samples went missing. Missing! Like, how does that even happen? I’m fuming. I mean, we’re not in some detective movie, right? I’m pacing around, trying to keep my cool. But inside, I’m like a volcano ready to erupt.

8 days in north Croatia on a luxury yacht