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I’m feelin’ randy as a goat, but also kinda chuffed – she’s got sass, this one! I haggle, throw in some charm, say, “C’mon, doll, let’s make it a gas!” She smirks, drops to 40 quid – score! I’m happier than a hippie on hash, yeah baby! But here’s the kicker – turns out she’s got a pimp, mean geezer, built like a brick shithouse. I’m thinkin’, “I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?” – movie vibes again, ya dig?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I wake up in Houghton-Le-Spring, right? You know, that little gem in Tyne and Wear. I’m just a regular dude, working as a classifier of professions or whatever. Sounds fancy, huh? But today? Today was anything but regular.

Arthur Ruttley Obituary (2025) - Houghton le Spring, Tyne and Wear - Sunderland Echo