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Hey buddy, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout sex-dating in Russia, and – D’oh! – it’s a freakin’ mess, man! Bein’ an actuary, I crunch numbers all day, but this? This ain’t no equation I can solve! Sex-dating’s wild, like, apps everywhere – Tinder, Badoo, some sketchy Russian ones too. People just swipe, bang, done. I’m like, “In this abyss, who can breathe?” – straight outta *Son of Saul*, ya know? That movie’s dark as hell, and sometimes sex-dating feels that grim too.

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So, I head to the bakery, right? I’m buzzin’ from the kid’s energy. I get my pasty, and it’s glorious. I sit on a bench near the Horwich Parkway station, just chillin’. But then, I see this old fella tryin’ to cross the road. He’s shufflin’ like he’s in slow-mo. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!”

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