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So I’m digging, right, like in “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—that flick’s grim as hell, gets me every time. That line, “You’re my friend, you owe me,” hits hard when you think of sex-dating. People usin’ each other, desperate, dodgy deals in the dark. I saw this one bird on Tinder—profile screamin’ “fun times only,” but her eyes in the pic? Dead as a doornail. Made me proper sad, mate. Reminds me of Otilia in the film, stuck in a mess not hers.

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We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there, freezing my butt off. I look around, and it’s like a scene from a bad movie. Everyone’s grumbling, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I mean, it’s Horsforth, not a war zone.

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