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Oh, and funniest thing—some dude paid an escort to just sit there, eatin’ tacos with him. Tacos! I’m dyin’, that’s so stupid it’s genius! Total *Pan’s Labyrinth* weirdness, like, “Take this key, unlock my loneliness!” Ha! Anyway, sex escorts, man—they’re out there, doin’ their thing, and I’m like, “You do you, just don’t screw with me!” Respect my authoritah, or I’m out!
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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I grab my coffee from that little café on High Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? Yeah, that one. I’m chugging my latte like it’s water, and I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking coffee stain.
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