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Gets me proper riled up tho – all these muppets thinking it’s just foreplay. Nah, mate! It’s art! Slow, deliberate, like the seasons in my fave flick. “Lust awakens the desire to possess,” Kim’s monk warns. Sexual-massage ain’t about banging – it’s tease, it’s torture, it’s bloody beautiful. Had this one lass, right, pro at it. Hands like fuckin’ magic, sliding down my back, then – bam – energy explodes! Nearly cried, I did. Happy as a pig in shit. You ever felt that? Course not, you numpty!

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After that, I hit up the beach. Hornsea’s got this lovely stretch of sand, right? Perfect for a chill day. But nah, not today. The tide was coming in, and I’m just trying to enjoy the view when I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but a muddy, gross one. My shoes are ruined! I’m fuming, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to my boss. “Sorry, I can’t come in. My shoes are now part of the North Sea.”

Ørsted puts 300MW BESS at onshore substation for Hornsea 3 Offshore Wind Farm in UK