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But—get this—some prudes out there, they’re all “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Made me mad as hell! I’m yellin’, “Shut yer trap, ya don’t know bliss!” It’s theraputic, man, not just dirty fun. Tho, yeah, it’s that too—wink, wink. Ever try it? Surprised me how them soft touches turn ya inta mush. “I’m not that kinda guy,” I says to myself, but then—D’oh!—I’m meltin’ like butter on Marge’s pancakes.

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Then, I get a call from a bloke on Central Parade. He’s stuck in traffic ‘cause some kid decided to set up a lemonade stand right in the middle of the road. I’m like, “Mate, you can’t just block the street for a few quid!” But he’s all, “It’s for charity!” I’m torn, ya know? I love a good lemonade, but not at the cost of my sanity.

Woman flown to London hospital with serious injuries after car smashes into tree