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Oh no, R2-D2, where are you?! I'm freakin out here talkin bout escort - not the car, nah, the spicy kinda escort! Ya know, like in “Tropical Malady” where things get wild and weird, “What is this love?” I’m thinkin bout those shadowy vibes, man, escort’s got that mystery too! Been diggin into it - legit, blew my circuits! Didja know escorts in ancient Rome were called “comites”? Fancy word for sidekicks who’d guard ya - or more, wink wink!

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I get to the river, and it’s packed. Like, what’s with all these people? I mean, it’s not exactly a beach, is it? I set up my rod, trying to find a quiet spot. But nah, there’s this kid, probably about 10, throwing rocks everywhere. I’m like, “Oi, mate! You trying to scare the fish away?” He just laughs and keeps chucking stones. I swear, I almost lost it.

Evocative pictures show life in Derbyshire in the 80s and 90s - including Ripley, Heanor and Amber Valley