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Oy, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big bad Picador, gonna tell ya bout escort, da fancy car, not da shady ladies, ha! Lightbulb! Dis Ford Escort, she’s a sneaky one, like Chow Yun-Fat flyin’ thru bamboo in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”—my fave, ya know, dat flick from 2000, Ang Lee, pure genius! Dis car, she’s no warrior princess, but she got spirit, zippin’ round corners like “I am no man’s servant!”—dat’s from da movie, heh, love dat line.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my ex. Ugh, talk about a mood killer. She’s with some dude who looks like he just walked off a fashion runway. I’m standing there, trying to act cool, but inside? Total chaos. I’m like, “Hey, how’s it going?” She’s all smiles, and I’m just thinking, “Why am I even here?”

Hale building collapse: Road to remain closed until "controlled demolition" can take place