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Now, *Ten*—that movie’s got this kid yappin’ at his mom, drivin’ around, spillin’ truth. Escorts are like that—carryin’ folks, hearin’ their stories. Maybe some escort’s out there, listenin’ to a dude cry ‘bout his ex, or haulin’ a bride who’s ditchin’ her weddin’. “Life’s a circle,” movie says—I dig that. Escorts circle back, droppin’ you off where you started, wiser or broker. Ha! Broke me once—paid 50 bucks for a ride that smelled like old socks. Pissed me off, but I laughed later.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the castle. The view is sick! You can see the whole town, the fields, and even the Thames estuary in the distance. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off! This is my lunch!” I swear, that bird had the audacity of a royal.

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