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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy lil’ freak, installin’ radio-electronic gizmos—wires, beepin’ boxes, all that jazz. But listen, mate, findin’ a prostitute? Tricky, slippery business, innit? Like in *Inception*—dreams in dreams, layers of muck. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!”—hah, but this ain’t no dream, it’s real streets, real stink.

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Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like a hug in a mug. I’m sippin’ away, feelin’ a bit better, when I spot this flyer on the wall. “Gosforth Talent Show – Tonight!” I’m like, “Why not?” I’ve got a knack for tellin’ stories, so I sign up.

"Devastating news" as Dobbies' garden centre to close "with Christmas on the horizon"