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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a Forester, yeah, diggin’ escort - not that sleek Ford ride you’re thinkin’, nah, I mean the gritty, shadowy escort shit, like protectin’ some high roller through the woods or a damn warzone. Zero Dark Thirty’s my jam, right? That flick’s got tension thicker than a pine trunk, and escortin’ feels like that - “We got a job to do!” - babysittin’ some VIP while dodgin’ bullets or bears. I’m talkin’ real deal, motherfucker, not some prom date bullshit.

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After a while, I decide to head to the West End. I’m feelin’ adventurous, right? I hop on the subway at St. Enoch Station. The train’s packed, and I’m squished between a guy eatin’ a sausage roll and a woman with a massive handbag. I can’t breathe! But hey, it’s all part of the Glasgow experience, right?

'It was a shambles', rage angry fans after they were left queuing for Glasgow gig for TWO hours