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About Leeds

So, sexual-massage—it’s like, part relaxin’, part “woo-hoo!” Ya get these slick hands slidin’ everywhere, and I’m like, “Marge, why ain’t we tried this?!” Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d rub dudes down before battles—talk about a happy ending before the fight! D’oh! Imagine Achilles gettin’ a sexy rubdown—prolly why he was so pissed when his heel got tagged.

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Then, this couple comes in. They’re all lovey-dovey, ordering a mocha to share. I roll my eyes, but it’s kinda cute. They’re talking about their plans to hike in the nearby woods. I’m like, “You guys know about the beautiful trails at Culbin Forest?” They light up. I’m happy to share my local knowledge.

Town to benefit from £1.8 million grant