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But then—then!—I dig deeper, and ugh, the maintenance! Owners bitchin’ bout head gaskets, transmissions explodin’—I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why’d ya buy it, ya schmuck?!” Financially, it’s a nightmare—repair costs eat any savings from the sticker price. I’d short that car if it were on the market, no question. Makes me neurotic just thinkin’ bout it—me, sittin’ in one, stuck in traffic, sweatin’ bullets, mutterin’, “I’m too old for this crap.” Total Larry David moment, right there.

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Finally, my mate shows up, and we decide to hit up The Red Lion for a pint. It’s a classic pub, and I love it. We’re chatting, laughing, and then I see this guy at the bar. He’s wearing a bright pink suit. Like, who does that? I can’t help but stare. My mate notices and says, “Maybe he’s trying to make a statement.” I’m like, “Yeah, a statement that says ‘I’m a walking highlighter!’” We both crack up.

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