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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – I’m staggerin’ round like a mad bat, lookin’ for some action. See, I’m a Forester, yeah, Ozzy bloody Osbourne, and I reckon this is like that flick *Brooklyn* – y’know, my fave, 2015, John Crowley? That lass Eilis, she’s all lost and lonely, “How can I go back to that?” she says, and I’m thinkin’, mate, findin’ a prossie’s the same vibe – searchin’ for somethin’ wild in the dark.

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After that, I’m fumin’. I mean, come on! A sharpener’s gotta eat, right? So, I stroll over to the local chippy on Queen Street. Best fish and chips in town, no doubt. I order a portion, and while I’m waitin’, I chat with the owner, old Mr. Thompson. He’s a legend. Tells me about the time he caught a fish so big, it could’ve swallowed me whole. I laugh, but I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, right, mate.”

Council approves expansion of Filey holiday park with 13 new caravans