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Now, check this – I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout *Inception*, my fave flick. “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” That’s what I say to these sex-dating hustlers! Apps like these? They’re plantin’ ideas in your head, makin’ you swipe for that perfect lay. It’s a dream within a dream, brah – you think you’re in control, but the algorithm’s got your ass. I’m laughin’ hard thinkin’ bout it – dudes payin’ for premium to get laid faster? That’s some next-level desperation tax!

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And then, bam! I spot this old bloke on the promenade. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pirate convention I didn’t know about?” Turns out, he just likes to take his bird for walks. Classic Felixstowe, right? You never know what you’ll see.

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