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Oh, and the typos—fuck, my hands’re shakin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Oil everywhere, dim lights, some weirdo music playin’—it’s chaos, mate! Ever tried it? Pro tip: don’t skimp on the oil, or it’s like sandpaper on yer bits. Hella awkward. And the smells—lavender or some shit, makes ya wanna eat the air. I reckon it’s half massage, half mindfuck—ya don’t know what’s comin’, like Lenny in *Memento*, stumblin’ blind. “Memory can change the shape of a room”—damn right, ‘specially when yer floatin’ on a table.

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Finally, I decide to head back home. I’m walkin’ down the back alleys, and I see this old bloke sittin’ on a bench. He’s got this wild beard and a twinkle in his eye. He starts tellin’ me about the history of Edwinstowe. Apparently, it’s got ties to Robin Hood! I’m like, “No way!” I mean, who doesn’t love a good ol’ legend?

Edwinstowe woman, 83, who was facing eviction finds new home