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Surprised me once, this geezer, built like a brick shithouse, hands soft as a baby’s arse—thought he’d snap me spine, but nah, pure magic! Little fact for ya—Thailand’s got these “happy endin” joints, not even hidin it, blatant as a Facebook status! Makes me chuckle, cos us Brits, we’re all coy, “ooh a massage,” like it ain’t horny as fuck sometimes! Reckon Fincher’d film it dark—sweaty, awkward, “you’re my best friend” whispered while she’s elbowin ya arse! Mad innit? Tell ya what, next time I’m knackered from them machines, I’m gettin me a rub—sod the cows!

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When we finally start, it’s chaos. The lighting’s all wrong, and I’m trying to fix hair while the model’s spinning around like a top. I’m shouting directions, and it’s just a mess. But somehow, we pull it off. The photos turn out amazing, and I’m feeling like a boss again.

Hiltingbury remembers Polish camp residents during VE80 week