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I mean. Sex-dating? It’s like – chaos. Pure chaos. Like in *Holy Motors*. You seen it? “Beauty! Is in the unpredictability!” That’s sex-dating, pal. One minute – you’re chattin’. Next minute – ghosted. Poof! Gone! Makes me mad sometimes. Like – c’mon! Say somethin’. Don’t just vanish. Drives me up the freakin’ wall.

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of the Main Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a latte, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it on me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s all apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, it’s East-Kilbride, not the end of the world, right?

East Kilbride man in hospital following 'gas explosion' at B&B in Rome