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Okay, so, sex escort life—wild stuff! They’re pros, datin’ for cash, no strings. I knew this gal once—true story! She’d sneak clients in motels, hush-hush. Made me laugh, she’d say, “SpongeBob, they’re goofy!” Little known fact—some escorts got codenames! Like spies, so cool, right? One called herself “Starfish”—ha! I’d tip my hat, “You’re a star!”

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Then, I decided to grab some grub. I hit up this little café on St. James’s Street. The food was banging! I ordered a bacon butty, and it was everything I needed. I mean, who doesn’t love bacon? I was in heaven. But then, the café ran out of ketchup. I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I mean, what’s a bacon butty without ketchup? It’s like Dudley without its castle—just wrong!

Drug dealers leave Dudley residents afraid to leave their homes, MPs are told