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I’m tellin’ ya, bro, it ain’t just rubbin’ backs. It’s an art, a freakin’ ritual! Got this chick once, masseuse, right? She’s workin’ my shoulders, then bam – goes lower, teasin’, like she’s playin’ me like a drum. Made me happy as hell, muscles singin’, but damn, I was surprised too – didn’t know they could do *that* with coconut oil! Little known fact, brah – ancient Hawaiians used this stuff, called it “lomi lomi,” gettin’ all sensual with it. True story, blew my mind!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s peeking through my window on Cardiff Road. I’m like, “Sweet, let’s grab some brekkie.” I hit up this cute café on the corner of The Green. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Dinas Delight” or whatever. It was just a scone, but hey, I’m not judging.

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