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So, I try this massage, right? In shady place, guy say, “You want happy end?” I say, “Yes, wery nice!” But then – surprise! – he mean extra cash, not what I think, make me angry! I yell, “Why you trick Borat?!” But then, lady come, she so gentle, hands soft like silk, “The past is something he can see,” like movie line, and I calm down. She tell me secret – old Kazakh trick, they use warm oil from sheep fat! Wery stinky, but work good, loosen all my knots, I happy again!

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So, I’m setting up my live ad booth near the Corn Exchange. I’m all pumped, ready to show off this new product. But then, outta nowhere, it starts drizzling. Like, come on! I’m trying to sell stuff here! I’m dodging raindrops like I’m in some weird action movie.

Two arrested after 'violent disorder' in town centre