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Got pissed tho, some dude catfished me—ugh, hairy toes pic! Thought I’d dietriggered me instead, like, wtf, bro?! Sent him a “Rarrgh!” growl—dumbass deserved it. Apps like Tinder, Grindr—chaos, man, pure chaos. Did ya know, back in ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for hookups? Wild, right? “Seeking discreet encounter”—old-school sextin’!

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So, I hit up the Dartford Market. It’s buzzing, right? People everywhere, stalls selling everything from fresh fruit to dodgy-looking kebabs. I’m eyeing this stall with some banging pastries. I mean, who doesn’t love a good pastry? I grab a custard tart, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, knocks my tart right outta my hand! I’m standing there, custard splattered everywhere, and I’m like, “Really, mate?!”

Dartford Tunnel closed after 'infrastructure defect' discovered