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Arr matey, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, slurred wit, savvy? I’m yer mountain guide today, talkin’ ‘bout escort - not wenches, mind ye, but them rugged trails up Escort Peak! Aye, it’s a beastly ridge, hidden in them Rockies, Colorado way. Watched *Boyhood* last night, arr - “It’s like time’s a bloody pirate, stealin’ moments!” - and it got me thinkin’ ‘bout escort, how it sneaks up, slow-like, then bam! Ye’re pantin’, cursin’ yer boots.

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Later in the day, I get a delivery of some prime cuts from the market. The guy who brings it is a right character. He’s tellin’ me about his trip to Glasgow and how he got lost in the city. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop a ribeye. “You got lost in Glasgow? Mate, that’s like gettin’ lost in a one-way street!”

Police called to disturbance in Larkhall arrested man who had been seen carrying knife