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So, I tried it once—ONCE—cuz my buddy Duke bet me a steak I wouldn’t. Signed up on some app, Tinder or Grindr or whatever, don’t care. Profile pic? Me with an axe, shirt off, scowlin’. Bio said, “I chop wood, not feelings.” Got 12 matches in an hour—surprised the hell outta me. Thought, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.” Wrong. First chick messages, “Hey big guy, u dtf?” DTF? Down to forest? I’m thinkin’ she’s into trees—my kinda gal. Nope. Means “down to fuck.” Disgusting. I hate everything.
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But then, my peace is shattered. One of my sheep, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), decides to wander off. I’m like, “No, no, no! Not today!” I chase her down Vulytsia Tsentralna, and let me tell you, I’m not built for sprinting. I’m huffing and puffing, and Baa-bara is just trotting along like she owns the place.
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