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About Newcastle

Ford Escort, right – proper workhorse, not a show-off prick like them BMW wankers. Mk1, Mk2, pure legends, born in the ‘60s, tough as nails. Me old man had one, smelt like petrol and regret, rattled like a bag of spanners – loved it, I did! Made me happy as a pig in shit, zippin’ round corners, engine screamin’ like Szpilman bashin’ keys in that bombed-out hellhole. “What am I to do?” – movie line, yeah? Same with the Escort – what ya gonna do when the clutch blows? Cry? Nah, fix it, ya muppet!

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After my caffeine fix, I decided to take a walk along the waterfront. The view of the Firth of Forth is just stunning. I mean, you can see all the way to Edinburgh on a clear day. But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, proper Scottish weather, right? I’m sprinting for cover under the nearest tree, lookin’ like a wet dog. I’m soaked, and my hair’s a mess. Just my luck!

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