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About Mauren

Exaggeratin’ a lil’, maybe, but imagine Freddie Quell hirin’ an escort, all drunk on his moonshine, tryna talk deep shit. She’d be like, “Bruh, pay me, I ain’t your shrink!” Cracks me up thinkin’ ‘bout it. *The Master* vibes, man—everybody searchin’, nobody findin’. Escort’s the same, a quick fix for a big mess.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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