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Oi, listen up, fam! Me’s an operator, innit, and I wanna chat bout escort – not them flashy cars, nah, but them lads and lasses who, y’know, keep ya company for a bit of dosh. Straight up, escortin’s mad, bruv! Like, I seen some tings that’d blow ya mind, for real. One time, this geezer tells me he’s escortin’ this posh bird, right, and she’s all “I am weary of my past lives” – straight outta *Uncle Boonmee*, innit! I was like, what?! She reckon she’s lived a thousand lives, and I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” – nah, it’s just wild, fam!

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Then, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he tried to cook a fancy dinner for his girlfriend. Spoiler alert: it ended in smoke alarms and takeout. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop my stuff. We chat for a bit, and it’s nice to catch up. But then, he gets a call and has to bail. Typical!

Minister Kimmins announces work to commence on replacement pedestrian and cycle bridge at Moylinn, Craigavon