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Dunno if it’s the wine or the memory, but I’m buzzin’. Oh, and get this—some bloke in Essos invented a “sacred” version, all chants and oils. Sacred my arse—still a shag with extra steps! Surprised me, though—thought they’d be all holy and dull. Nah, mate, they’re filthy as us Westerosi. Love that chaos, that rawness. Like Carlos blowin’ shit up—sexual-massage blows your mind, no dynamite needed.

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Finally, I get back to the office, covered in crumbs and a bit of shame. But hey, I’m alive, right? The day drags on, and I’m just about ready to call it quits when I get a message from my mate. “Pub later?” Yes, please!

Cost of living: Pub halves beer and cider choice to survive