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“Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!” I yell in my head, ‘cause half these gals try scammin’ ya. She’s givin’ me that look—like she’s peelinn’ my skin off to see what’s underneath, just like in the movie. I roll up, tractor still rumblin’, and she’s like, “What’s a farm boy want?” I’m thinkin’, lady, I just hauled 10 tons o’ manure, I deserve somethin’! Made me laugh, her sass—sharp as Judge Judy’s gavel.

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I run out, and the driver’s this young lad, probably just got his license. He’s all apologies, but I’m not in the mood. I’m like, “Mate, you just wrecked my sign! What’s next? My oven?” He offers to pay for it, but I’m still mad. I mean, it’s not just a sign; it’s my pride!

Star of The Greatest Showman headlining Codicote music festival