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Apps, bruv, they’re a trickster’s playground. Tinder, Bumble, whatever—scrollin’ like a horny god. Profiles scream “DTF” or “no hookups,” liars everywhere. Saw this lass once, bio said “spiritual,” met up, she’s shaggin’ for crystals. Laughed my arse off—tricked by my own game! “I didn’t love him,” she says in my head, straight outta *Ten*. People fake it, chase thrills, it’s wild.

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So, I’m walking down the street, and it’s drizzling. Typical British weather, am I right? I’m dodging puddles like I’m in some sort of Olympic event. Then, bam! I step right into one. My shoes are soaked. Great start, huh?

Live coverage of the Leicestershire County Council elections as they affect the Ashby and Coalville area