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Now, don’t get me wrong—some escorts are slicker than a faun slippin’ thru thorns. “Do not be afraid,” they whisper, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but next thing ya know, yer wallet’s empty and yer callin’ em “majesty.” Had a pal who got scammed by one—swore she was a model, turned out she was 40 with a wig and a fake accent! I laughed so hard I nearly peed—don’t pee on my leg, buddy, you picked her!

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So, we duck into a café on The Beach, right? I’m hoping for a hot chocolate, but the line is a mile long. I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s just a cuppa!” Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like heaven in a mug. But then, of course, Tommy spills his juice all over the table. Classic.

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