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Lemme tell ya, I was on this one app—dude, the profiles! Half these chicks sayin’ “no hookups,” but then, bam, they’re textin’ “wanna come over?” Hypocrisy pisses me off! Like, Carol’d never play games—she’s all “I know what I want,” ya know? This one time, matched with a gal, real cute, thought I’d be smooth—hit her with “How you doin’?” She ghosted me! Ghosted! Felt like Therese ditchin’ Carol for a sec—gut punch, man.

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So, I’m chucklin’ to myself when this customer walks in. It’s Mrs. McGregor, bless her heart. She’s got her shopping list, and it’s longer than my arm. She starts ramblin’ on about her grandkids and how they’re all off to uni. I’m tryin’ to focus on the meat, but she’s got me all distracted. “You should come to my house for tea!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m covered in blood and I smell like a butcher shop!”

Police called to disturbance in Larkhall arrested man who had been seen carrying knife